Once again, it is this time of the year. The air is getting colder, ginkgo nuts are falling down from the trees. It is fall. Personally I prefer fall to summer or spring but every fall reminds me of a loss I've experienced in my early days.
My brother and I were coming back from school. We were both in elementary school, and it was rare for us to meet on the way home since we each went to a different school. However that day, we met on the bottom of the hill and was very glad to see each other. We were going up the stairs when my mom flew past us down the stairs. We've never seen her run so fast, in such a hurry. However I did saw her holding a binocular. How odd, I thought. Then there was a sudden flash. When you watch dramas you sometimes see people just feeling things when something bad happens. A phone rings, or someone knocks the door and they instinctively know that something went wrong. I always thought it was nonsense but at that moment, I just knew something was terribly wrong. My brother must have felt the same thing. We looked at each other for a second, then ran two stories up to our house. Loud beeping sound was coming out from our door lock, warning us that it wasn't shut properly, but we didn't even had time to turn it off. We rushed inside and looked everywhere to find our bird. We looked in the bathroom, looked behind the curtains, looked up over the fridge, over the bookshelf, everywhere. But she was nowhere to be seen. I should first mention that we always kept our bird outside her cage. At night she slept on top of my bookshelf and during daytime she roamed freely around the house. She spent time on my desk when I was studying, on my mother's laps when she was watching the television. She sometimes hid behind the air conditioner or under the bed. So my brother and I kept saying to ourselves that she must be here somewhere, because she can't be gone. However our search ended in vain, so we anxiously waited for our mother to come back. I don't know what my 9 year old brother was thinking at that time but I think I already knew what she was going to say when she comes back. Couple hours later, she came back with a short breath and tears in her eyes. I knew then that we have lost our bird forever. I didn't know how to cope with it, so I cried a lot and kept insisting she might somehow find her way back to the house. That never happened.
It took me a long time to talk about her without showing tears. Many years past but I still remember clearly the day my first pet left our family, but now I know loss eventually heals after time. I believe this loss I experienced taught me that I can lose anything or anyone any time, so I should always be faithful to people around me.
Like you, when I was young, I raised a baby duck. But she died because of an unprecedented accident and I was so sad. I know how you felt when your bird left your family.. because i have experienced a similar situation... It's a good thing that now you can tell your bird's story without tears :)
ReplyDeleteJihee Amy Won
To Choi Hyo-jung From Choi Yun
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is linkage of a loss of your pet to a lesson you learned.
2. Your main point seems to be loss eventually heals after time, but be faithful to those around you before it's too late.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful!
-'We were going up the stairs when my mom flew past us down the stairs'
The expression "flew past us down the stairs" was impressive enough to show how hurried she was. It impressed me.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved.
Sudden reference of a loss of a bird made me feel confused. I think short mention about your bird at the beginning of your writing would make it seem better.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is mentioning about your bird briefly. Overall, your word choice and description was good.
201300476 Byungwook Kim
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your use of language. Useful expressions caught my eyes.
2. Your main point seems to be your emotions after losing your bird.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful!
But she was nowhere to be seen
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved.
So were you robbed or just the bird got out?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is putting more details. At this moment, lack of details is blocking the understanding of the reader.
Losing my bird
ReplyDelete-Final draft Choi Hyo Jung
Once again, it is this time of the year. The air is getting colder and ginkgo nuts are falling down from the trees. It is fall. Personally I prefer fall to summer or spring. But every fall reminds me of a tragic loss I've experienced in my early days.
My brother and I were coming back from school. We were both in elementary school, and it was rare for us to meet on our way home since we each went to a different school. However that day, we met on the bottom of the hill where our house stood and was very glad to see each other. We chatted for a while. The neighbor was quiet as usual and the sun was warm.
We were going up the stairs, but soon we stopped when mom flew past us down the stairs. I was quite shocked and worried because I've never seen her run so fast, in such a hurry. She was always a calm person, especially in front of us. Also I did saw her holding a binocular. How odd, I thought for a second. Then there was a sudden flash. When you watch dramas you sometimes see people just knowing things when something bad happens. It is like sixth sense. A phone rings, or someone knocks the door and people instinctively know that something went wrong. I always thought it was too dramatic to be true but at that moment, I too just knew that something was terribly wrong. My brother must have felt the same thing. We looked at each other, then ran two stories up to our house. Loud beeping sounds were coming out from our door lock, warning us that it wasn't shut properly. But we didn't even had time to turn it off. We rushed inside and saw the window wide open. But denying the fact, we looked everywhere to find our bird. We looked in the bathroom, looked behind the curtains, looked up over the fridge, over the bookshelf, everywhere. But she was nowhere to be seen.
I should first mention that we always kept our bird outside her cage. At night she slept on top of my bookshelf and during daytime she roamed freely around the house. She spent time on my desk when I was studying and dozed off on my mother's lap when she was watching the television. She sometimes hid behind the air conditioner or under the bed. So my brother and I kept saying to ourselves that she must be here somewhere, because she wouldn't just fly outside like this. However our search ended in vain, so we anxiously waited for our mother to come back. I don't know what my 9 year old brother was thinking at that time but I think I already knew what she was going to tell us. Couple of hours later, she came back with a short breath and tears in her eyes. I ran into my room to escape from whatever she was going to say. My little brother cried in the living room. I didn't know how to cope with it, so I cried a lot and kept insisting she might somehow find her way back to the house because she was a clever bird. That never happened, and it took me a long time to talk about her without showing tears.
Loss comes unexpected. I can lose anything or anyone any time, and the thought of it makes me try harder in being faithful to those who I care. But even if loss strikes me without warning and makes me suffer, I now know I will eventually heal after time. Every fall, I miss my bird. But at the same time, I thank her for giving the lesson which greatly affects me in life.