"Hey, it's really late for you to walk on the streets. Get in my car." It was a kindness masked as a dangerous crime. In March of my freshman year, I and my older sister lived together at a house near HUFS. She stayed with me for a while to help me to adapt to the new house where I had to live alone, away from my family. At that time, I enjoyed hanging around with friends until late at night. It was late at night at around between 12 am and 1 am. I and my sister met together at the subway station to go to the new house together. I was talking cheerfully about how fun it was to attend the so called "meeting" where I and my female students had a drinking session with male students from another university. It was my first "meeting" though. We giggled and laughed a lot. Even though we were walking the streets late at night where there were not many lights or stores that hadn't closed yet, we weren't that much scared because we knew we were together.
We were passing by a gas station right before we turned right to an alley where my house was located a few meters away. In the left were there car roads while the gas station was in the right. From the left side of us, a white passenger car suddenly stopped near us and a female driver told us "Don't you think it is too late for young girls to walk on the streets at this late at night? I could drive you guys to your home. Where is it?" At that moment, I felt thankful about how kind she was to try to help strangers. But, as we were really close to our home, we politely apologized to her that we wouldn't accept her favor. But she didn't leave. She persistently tried to persuade us to get in her car. Only then did we start to doubt her exceptionally kind behavior. We declined over and over again before she finally did the most dubious act. She asked our phone numbers! A "female" stranger asking phone numbers of two "women"? We felt something wrong. We quickly ignored her constant request and hurried to our home.
But right after we turned right to the alley, another black car along with that white car entered the alley. We instinctually took off our shoes to run and hide behind some cars in the corner. We got even more scared to see those two cars never going ahead nor heading back. Those cars were just stalled there for more than 10 minutes, presumably trying to find us. We called the police and explained how things were going around. But at first, the police didn't bother to help us, claiming that the dubious person we met was a woman and thus not dangerous. We were so dumbfounded as well as hopeless. But in the end, a police car arrived and we got on the car to go to our house. We couldn't find those cars when we were out there.
What I learned from this experience was that I should not easily trust strangers or accept their favors. Another thing was that I need to protect myself on my own. It was the first time that I realized even a police might not be able to or bother to help and save me. Since then, I try to be alerted all the time whenever I walk down the streets alone late at night, carrying self-defense goods.
To Hyein Jo from Tae-Hwan Park
ReplyDelete1. I really like the story it was very interesting and its cool you included a moral for your story.
2. Your main point seems to me do not trust anyone as they might have a hidden motif behind their actions.
3. I like the words that you use to describe the situation like suddenly or instinctively because they add suspense to the story.
4. I couldn't perfectly understand the first sentence in the third paragraph because I am not sure if there was two or one alley and which are entered in which.
5. Everything is so good but I think there is room for improvement in the sentence structures.
To Hyein Jo from Na Shil Hwang
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it had a good flow and a good story that described the events quite well. I felt like I was in your story watching as a third person.
2. Your main point seems to be about your experience with a woman stranger and don't trust anyone.
3. These particular lines struck me as powerful were when you were describing about her being persistent and even asking for your phone numbers
and I like them because they were good use of verbs.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems to be mixed up,
not lively): I think that your grammar could be a bit improved and also I did get a bit confused when you were describing about running away from the white car. I had to go back and read it.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in
this piece of writing is I think that some of the grammar and sentence structures could need some improvement but the story itself is very good.
Oops! I'm sorry I gave you the wrong comment! Here are the rest of the comments
ReplyDeleted. You mostly used past tense and changed into present tense in dialogues which is good.
e. I want to know more about how you couldn't see the cars when you were out there. I wondered where you were going again.
1) One detail that made this experience seem real to me was this part of the paragraph: "Don't you think it is too late for young girls to walk on the streets at this late at night? I could drive you guys to your home. Where is it?" At that moment, I felt thankful about how kind she was to try to help strangers.
ReplyDelete2) The beginning of the first paragraph made me want to know what was going to happen next.
3) The basic verb tense of the writing is past tense. Present tense is used only when it is appropriate. I think it would be perfect, however, if you change the last sentence to past tense as well.
e) I’d like to know what you carry around. :)
CJH
"Hey, it's really late for you to walk on the streets. Get in my car." It was a kindness masked as a dangerous crime. In March of my freshman year, I and my older sister lived together at a house near HUFS. She stayed with me for a while to help me to adapt to the new house where I had to live alone, away from my family. At that time, I enjoyed hanging around with friends until late at night. It was late at night at around between 12 am and 1 am. I and my sister met together at the subway station to go to the new house together. I was talking cheerfully about how fun it was to attend the so called "meeting" where I and my female students had a drinking session with male students from another university. It was my first "meeting" though. We giggled and laughed a lot. Even though we were walking the streets late at night where there were not many lights or stores that hadn't closed yet, we weren't that much scared because we knew we were together.
ReplyDeleteWe were passing by a gas station right before we turned right to an alley where my house was located a few meters away. In the left were there car lanes while the gas station was in the right. From the left side of us, a white passenger car suddenly stopped near us and a female driver told us "Don't you think it is too late for young girls to walk on the streets at this late at night? I could drive you guys to your home. Where is it?" At that moment, I felt thankful about how kind she was to try to help strangers. But, as we were really close to our home, we politely apologized to her that we wouldn't accept her favor. But she didn't leave. She persistently tried to persuade us to get in her car. Only then did we start to doubt her exceptionally kind behavior. We declined over and over again before she finally did the most dubious act. She asked our phone numbers! A "female" stranger asking phone numbers of two "women"? We felt something wrong. We quickly ignored her constant request and hurried to our home.
But right after we turned right to the alley, another black car along with that white car entered the alley. We instinctually took off our shoes to run and hide behind some cars in the corner. We got even more scared to see those two cars never going ahead nor heading back. Those cars were just stalled there for more than 10 minutes, presumably trying to find us. We called the police and explained how things were going around. But at first, the police didn't bother to help us, claiming that the dubious person we met was a woman and thus not dangerous. We were so dumbfounded as well as hopeless. But in the end, a police car arrived and we got in the car. Thanks to police officers' help, we could safely arrive at our home. Meanwhile, we couldn't find those cars when we were out there. I guess they might have left the place either because they saw a police car coming or they just gave up to find us.
What I learned from this experience was that I should not easily trust strangers or accept their favors. Another thing was that I need to protect myself on my own. It was the first time that I realized even a police might not be able to or bother to help and save me. Since then, I try to be alerted all the time whenever I walk down the streets alone late at night, carrying self-defense goods such as a pepper spray.