Carols were sounding and lights are shining on the streets. At the same time, freezing colds were piercing through people's hand and feet. People were hurrying their steps toward home. Most of them seemed happy with smiles on their face. Among those people, about 30 students were standing in the streets.
It was Christmas eve. Every Christmas eve day, I had been with my family eating some delicious western food. However, that year, the year that I had entered the high school, it was different. I was with my classmates in the middle of the streets near Shincheon station. I was raising a charity with my classmates. Before I arrived at the place, I thought that it would not be so hard and I might go home early. However, it was different from my expectations. To raise money for charity, we have to get people's attention. So we appealed to people by telling them we were trying to help unfortunate neighbors and we need their help. But seldom people paid attention and donated. So I began to think that why people were not paying attention to us. And I realized that I myself had no interest when others raised a charity. I regretted and thought that I would not just past charities next time. In addition, in case of us, we were just high school students. So in my opinion, people did not sincerely trust us. Anyway, the weather was freezing, wind was massive and our hands and feet paralyzed. Some of my friends were starting to get frustrated and said that they wanted to go home. An hour and a half already had passed and it was the time we had to make decision. "Do we have to give up or find some impressive method to succeed in raise charity?" In the end, we decided to sing carols to get people's attention and actually we sang. It was tough and embarrassing moment even though I did not lead in the singing. Then, many people started to look at us and some of them even donated to us. People came to us and put money into the charity box. Finally, after spending a long time and effort, we could raise money that we had planned.
Although it was not a though experience and I missed delicious dinner with my family, I had special and meaningful Christmas eve day. Before the charity event with my classmates, I thought that Christmas day is the romantic day that Santa Clause gives gift. However, after the day, I realized that I could be another Santa to others. I received some wonderful gifts to Santa (who were actually my parents) when I was young and now I have to pay forward to help others.
It was interesting! Whenever I noticed those red boxes with some people standing nearby, I was always suspicious,wondering if they are just begging money for themselves. After reading your essay, I now think I should pay more attention to the red boxes. Also, it was good how the experience made you realize that you should help others in need although you know that it is not an easy job.
ReplyDelete201202056 Soohee Oh
201100278 Kim Gui Hwan
ReplyDeletea. When you mention that the cold was piercing through hand and feet, I could imagine and almost feel how cold it was. Your hands and feet were probably aching form the cold
b. "In the end, we decided to sing carols to get people's attention and actually we sang." This line is a little unclear I think. What does it mean "We actually sang?" Was there an audio system playing carols before you began to sing?
c. The beginning paragraph is good, but it could be better if you would change words such as sounding and shining. Be more vivid and accurate on what sounds and lights were there that day. I could feel its Christmas season, but I could not fully experience the Christmas joy and warmth.
d. The basic verb tense is in past tense. I think, maybe if you wrote it in present tense the whole writing could be more real. Many of us have experience Christmas and readers would most likely feel the Christmas feeling if were written in present tense.
e. I would like to know more about the charity. Which unfortunate people did you help? What was the goal you set up before you headed out?
201302944
ReplyDeletea. Mentioning Shincheon station felt very real to me. It is because Shincheon station is a familiar place to me and it felt as though I could see the charity.
b. "In addition, in case of us, we were just high school students. So in my opinion, people did not sincerely trust us." This part confused me because I could not fully understand why people would not pay attention to students doing charity work. Maybe you should put in more detail.
c. I think it is good, but maybe some more detail on the 30 people would have made it better. Why and how are these 30 people different from everybody else?
d. The writer used past tense, and it made the essay seem like a story. If the verb tense was switched to present tense, it would have seemed more real to readers.
e. How did you get to do the charity work? Was it a school project, or was it and idea you had with some friends?