She is so cute
"I regret having gone to Australia", this is the first thought that came into my mind after I heard what happened to her. She died because of an accident while I was in Australia for year and a half. Of course, I could not meet her during those times but I could hear her news or see her through the pictures my mother sent me. She was my pet, a puppy named Cutie. As the name implies, she was the cutest Yorkshire terrier I have ever seen in my life and still is the cutest animal to me.
When I first met her, I was only ten. I begged my father for having a pet, especially a dog. I loved dogs since I was born and always admired those who have dogs. My mom was okay with it but my dad said no every time me and my sister begged for it. One day, I was so sad and angry after another denial from my father. I did not eat a single meal whole day and ignored everything my dad said. Now I think about it, I think it actually worked because that night my dad crawled into my bed and asked, "Your birthday is coming soon. What do you want for your birthday?" So I replied with the most annoying face I could make to make my dad feel sorry, "don't you know what I want? Now get out of my room. I have to sleep." The day after my rebellion, my dad asked me and my sister while having a breakfast, "Do you really want a puppy? And do you promise to keep it safe and give a care?" That was the very day I first met my dearest friend, Cutie.
We went off to the pet shop after having a breakfast. I don't remember how I finished my meal, I could not think of anything except my first puppy on the way to the shop. Entering into the shop, the shop was surrounded by little angels, puppies, as if it was a little heaven. I started to search for my puppy and I could not take my eyes off from a one puppy. It was like how people describe the moment they first saw their lover and the love song comes out like in the movie. My parents told me to choose a puppy that I would not regret for the rest of my life because they knew that I always regret after having done something but I was sure that I would not regret having chosen her.
As I have imagined, my memory with Cutie is filled with nothing but happiness. I sometimes regret having met her too early to spend time with because if I haven't gone to Australia during the times with Cutie, if I have met her after I came back from Australia, I could have spent more time with her. But I cannot turn back the time and even if it was just almost two years, it is the happiest memory I have in my whole life.
Awww.. what a sad story. What I like about this piece of writing is that I can feel the love for Cutie in this writing. And, I can feel that you miss her so much. I believe your main point is the regret about not being able to play with her much and your longing for her. I know that it's impossible but maybe a picture of her would have made this writing even more touching.
ReplyDelete-Jieun Kim
To. Bo-won Kim From. So-Eun Yoon Assignment no2.
ReplyDeleteHello Bo-Won~ I enjoyed reading your story. So here’s my feedback!
1. What I like about this piece of writing is your genuine love towards your pet, Cutie, which is very clearly conveyed to the readers.
2. Your main point seems to be how excited you were to own a dog for the first time and how extremely disappointed and sad you were when Cutie died while you were away in Australia.
3. This line struck me as powerful.
“I could not take my eyes off from a one puppy. It was like how people describe the moment they first saw their lover and the love song comes out like in the movie.”
I could relate to your feelings about how you instantly noticed which dog you will be owning right after entering the pet shop.
4. I think this line could be improved.
“I loved dogs since I was born and always admired those who have dogs.”
I think the tenses should be more consistent. Since you are talking about things that happened many years ago, all of your verbs should be in past-tenses.
So, that sentence should be changed into “I loved dogs ever since I was born and had always admired those who had dogs.”
5. I think the biggest improvement you could make to your writing is being more careful about your usage of tenses. Remember all of your tenses must be coherent
Oral Peer Response to Bo-won Kim from Suhan Lee
ReplyDeletea. Dog's name and the meaning of name made me feel this is a real story.
b. I think there is little confusing part, but some sentences are a bit unnecessarily long.
c. Not indicating the exact noun, using 'she' aroused my curiosity.
d. Mostly past tense.
e. I'd like to know about writer's feelings in detail when she heard the sad news.
Oral Peer Response to Bo-won Kim from Byungwook Kim201300476
ReplyDeletea. The first intro made it really interesting and real.
b. The dialogue need a little trim.
c. Yes i think this intro is a good one as she has an interesting hook.
d. I think she used past tense.
e. I think she should connect her sentences more readable.