"Ahh!! Anboyeo!"
I cried out as I felt my way in the pitch black hall of my house. Black outs happen so often in the Philippines, at least once a month. It is one of the most common household disasters are blackouts in the Philippines. Ever since I lived in the Philippines, I have experience frequent blackouts and although it's very uncomfortable, but thankfully electricity comes back mostly to around few hours to within a day. Still I always had fun looking for candles in the dark and lighting them.
I was about 7 years old when I experienced the most embarrassing however inembarrassing experiences I had with black outs. There was a storm and it was so severe the electricity did not come back for more than a day. Because of that, getting water from faucets were impossible since the water pump on the first floor was totally out and without the water pump working, my house could not get any water supply. My house was on the fourth floor and because of that our family had to carry buckets all the way downstairs and fill them with water. I did not have enough water to take a shower that particular day.
"I think you should take a shower downstairs."
My mom took me carefully all the way downstairs with a flashlight all the way outside our building where the water pump was.
"Umma, it's so embarrassing. What if someone sees me?"
"It's okay. Since it's so dark nobody can see you."
It seemed like a like trip all the way to the first floor. In the pitch black darkness all around me, I took a shower in the wide open area. I was wearing some clothes, of course, but it was still very difficult to not notice the wide area. The building was actually quite open, just like houses with small walking space in between and grass around them. I was quite afraid that someone might notice and see me, however, even if they did, they could not see me but it felt like someone could. My umma was there to stay with me until I finished but it was quite embarrassing all together. After taking the shower, I went upstairs and the night went by as dark as ever.
To Na Shil Hwang From Haeung Jung(201003223)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of wiring is that there are many direct quotations. Thanks to it, your writing is more vivid and fun.
2. Your main point seems to be the memory of embarrassing.
3. "the night went by as dark as ever." These lines struck me as powerful. It's pretty poetic expression.
4.I think you should better to say mother instead of Umma. Because it is English writing.
5. Your wiring is very impressive and fun. I hope it is little bit long.
To Na Shil Hwang From Choi Yun
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is very lively. Since your direct quotations and your specific description of setting, I could imagine what happened clearly.
2. Your main point seems to be your embarrassing memory.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful!
-It is one of the most common household disasters are blackouts in the Philippines.
I love your exaggeration, comparing blackouts as disasters.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved.
-"Ahh!! Anboyeo!"&Umma
I understood what you meant, but I think someone who cannot speak Korean would not understand what you mean.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to insert your deeper idea. I think it could be way better if you insert more serious idea such as affection for your mother.
a.I like the way you wrote "I felt my way in the pitch black hall of my house". Especially the word 'felt' makes your writing seem more real.
ReplyDeleteb. In your first paragraph, I think there are errors on your second and third sentence. It confused me for a second as i read them.
c.I think your first paragraph is interesting and i would read on to your writing. It's setting and the circumstance is unique.
d.You mostly used past tense, and used the present tense only when you quote.I think it is appropriate.
e.I think it might be nice to add more of how you thought about the experience instead of finishing your writing with the sentence you now have.
Choi Hyo Jung
To Nashil from Tae-Hwan Park
ReplyDeletea.The person speaking in the beginning of the writing made the experience seem real.
b.There were no places I got confused.
c.Yes id does because the writer writes about an uncommon experience and as the reader it makes us want to know more.
d.Yes the writer uses past tense and is consistent with it.
e.I think the writer should explain more on the frustration when there is a power cut.
Memory from a Black Out
ReplyDelete“AH! I can’t see!”
I cried out as I felt my way through the pitch black hall of my house. Black outs happened so often in the Philippines, at least once a month when I was living there. It is one of the most common household disasters as well. Ever since I have lived in the Philippines, I have experienced frequent blackouts. Although it was uncomfortable every time, the electricity would come back within a couple hours to less than a day. Still, I always had fun looking for candles and flashlights in the dark and giving light to them.
I was about 7 years old when I experienced a situation with black outs and although it was not something to be so embarrassed about, I was quite embarrassed myself. There was a typhoon and it was so severe the electricity did not come back for more than a day. Because of that, getting water from faucets at home were impossible since the water pump on the first floor was totally out. Without the water pump working, my house could not get any water and we were on the fourth floor. So our family had to carry buckets all the way downstairs to where the water pump was and fill them up. That particular day, we did not have enough water for me to take a shower. So my mom asked me,
"I think you should take a shower downstairs."
My mom carefully took me all the way downstairs and then outside our building where the water pump was. I was the flashlight “holder” and used it to guide us safely.
"Ma, it's so embarrassing. What if someone sees me?"
"It's okay. Since it's so dark, nobody can see you."
The trip to the first floor seemed very long. In the pitch black darkness all around me, I took a shower next to the wide open area near the water pump. I was wearing some clothes, of course, but it was still very difficult to not notice the open space. The apartments were actually quite spaced out, just like houses with some walking space in between and grass around them. Whenever I heard something that did not sound like water falling, I moved the flashlight toward it. I was quite afraid that someone might notice and see me. However, even if they tried, they could not see me directly but it felt like someone could. My ma was there to stay with me until I finished but it was quite embarrassing all together. After taking the shower, I went back home and the night went by as dark as ever.
After this experience, I wondered about the other feelings I would have gotten if I was in the same situation. I think that I actually would have been quite scared, if everything was pitch black as it was. However, I do not think I experienced fear since my Ma was there to protect me from harm.
Na Shil Hwang