| A City in Peace Whenever I looked outside, the color I saw was always green. From my room, cars and school classes, there were trees and grasses. I lived in a small city called Abbotsford without my parents when I was in high school. There was not a once when the city became crowded with people or jammed from heavy traffics; it was such a quiet, peaceful place There were some days I took buses to go home from my school. Then on the way home through the bus windows, I could see some cows eating or sitting on grasses. As I got out of the buses, the air was filled with a smell of cowpats? I would hear "hi!"s from random neighbors who were watering their yard. It seemed like not a single crime would occur. I sometimes walked to the closest 7-eleven which took forty minutes. I had my friend with me on the walk and talking to her while walking along trees was never boring but peaceful and calming. On a freezing winter day, she and I had either hot chocolate or toffee nut latte. There was nothing sweeter than the first sip of those hot chocolate, melting down my frozen throat and hands. On sunny weekends, I went to a park with my camera. And I used to take pictures of my friends as they lied on grasses and rolled around. After chatting for a few hours on the grass, the sun started to go down. Then there was an beautiful sunset over a lake that made me gaze at it without a word. Watching the sunsets was a motivation in my life as I felt thankful to have those moments.
All the memories in Abbotsford remind me of peace - the fresh air, grasses and cows. I felt I was on a three-year vacation. Now living in one of the busiest cities in the world, I wish I could go there again and feel the calm atmosphere that could refresh myself exhausted from busy life. |
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Soohee Oh / the first draft #3 / Tues.11-1
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201100278 Kim Gui Hwan
ReplyDelete1. What i liked most about this essay is that I used to go to church in Abbotsford when i lived in Korea. This writing had a good personal hook for me and made me want to read more. I can understand and relate to how quiet Abbotsford could be.
2. Two times the writer mentions grass. One time seeing the cows eat and one time laying down on the grass. Maybe more description of how the grass was when the writer laid down. The smell, feel, moisture could be better explained.
3. I liked how the writer mentions everything looked green outside, mentioning that there were a lot grassy fields where she lived. I also liked how the writier explains how the hot beverage melted her throat and hands.
4. The mood of this city is quiet. A lot of grassy fields with very little tall buildings. I can imagine a farm like town with cows grazing on grass
5. The writer chose this place because now that she lives in one of the busiest cities in the world, she misses the quiet cities.
6. To be more vivid in explaining the places you went. Talk about the emotions of when you were laying in grass and riding the bus.
2nd draft - A City in Peace
ReplyDeleteWhenever I looked outside, the color I saw was always green. From my room, from my school and from cars, there were trees and grasses. I lived in a small city called Abbotsford without my parents when I was in high school. There was not a once when the city became crowded with people or jammed with heavy traffics; it was such a quiet, peaceful place
There were some days I took buses to go home from my school. Then on the way home through the bus windows, I could see some cows eating or sitting on grasses. The slowly-moving cows seemed to make the place very tranquil. As I got out of the buses, the air was filled with a smell of cowpats, which was felt very unfamiliar and countryside. Passing by houses, I would hear "hi!"s from random neighbors who were watering their yard. Then the grasses looked greener and fresher. And it seemed like not a single crime would occur.
I sometimes walked to the closest 7-eleven which took about forty minutes. I had my friend with me on the walk and talking to her while walking along the trees was never boring but peaceful and calming. On a freezing winter day when I wore some mufflers and a pair of mittens, she and I had either hot chocolate or toffee nut latte from the 7-eleven. There was nothing sweeter than the first sip of those hot chocolate, melting down my frozen throat and hands.
On sunny weekends, I went to a park with my camera. And I used to take pictures of my friends as they lied on grasses and rolled around, making some rustling sound. After chatting for a few hours on the grass, the sun started to go down. Then, there was a beautiful, glaring sunset over a lake that made me gaze at it without a word. Watching the sunset with a gentle breeze was a motivation in my life, feeling thankful to have those moments.
All the memories in Abbotsford remind me of peace - the fresh air, grasses and cows. I felt the years I studied abroad were like a three-year vacation. Now living in one of the busiest cities in the world, I wish I could go there again and feel the calm atmosphere that could refresh me exhausted from busy life.