I was 8 years old when I first visited my aunt's house in South Carolina. It was not a family trip. Only my brother and I flew on the airplane without our parents. It was not a usual experience for an 8 and 10year old children to go on a trip without adults. Even before the airplane departed I shed tears and told my brother, "I miss my parents so much." It was a very long and lonely flight. I was almost terrified by the fact that there was no one to depend on in this large plane.
After a long 14 hours of flight, we finally landed on the airport of Atlanta and met my aunt and uncle. My uncle, an American soldier, loved us very much and was very happy to see us. We drove for another hour or so to arrive at my aunt's house. And after a few days to get rid of the jet lag, we went to visit the Youth Camp located in the military unit. My brother and I registered for the Youth Camp and started going the day after.
To describe the Youth Camp for a little bit, when you enter the building there was this huge gym on the left and on the right, there was a teenager room. By saying teenager room, it literally meant "room for teenagers" and students over 12years old were allowed. There was no room for junior students like us and we could just use all the rooms except the teenager room. Right across the teenager room was the snack bar where you could buy ice cream or crackers. And behind the snack bar were all kinds of rooms including the game room, arts and crafts room, karate room, game room, and so on. In the backyard of the Youth Camp there was a parking lot and a place for students to gather around and hang out.
When I first started going to the Youth Camp, my brother and I were the only Koreans and most of them were African American. Therefore, for us, "Are you Japanese? Are you Chinese?" was a common question. But they never got to guess that we were Koreans because they did not have the slightest knowledge about Korea. During the 2months in the camp, I introduced them a lot about Korea. I introduced them how to play with the jackstone, which is Gongi, a Korean traditional game. Also, I taught them how the Korean character looks and one of them even said that she would get a tattoo of "자유", which is freedom in Korean.
After spending my summer vacation in the Youth Camp, I was so sad to return to Korea, despite the fact that I was terrified to come here at first. Therefore, I almost annually visited the camp during the summer vacation when I was in elementary school. Now, I do not have an opportunity to visit there again but one day I truly wish to visit the youth camp again.
To. Ji-Eun Kim From. So-Eun Yoon
ReplyDelete1. What I liked best about your essay was the tone of the writing. It sounded very natural as if you were describing the youth camp to your friends. I could very easily understand every little detail you included in your essay.
2. Yes, she described the camp in detail.
Your second paragraph is all devoted to describing the atmosphere and surroundings of the youth camp.
3. You did not appeal to many different senses in your writing.You mostly focused on describing how the camp looked visually, but other than that, you have missed out on the four other senses.
4. The camp must have been an intimidating experience at first, but as you made new friends and got used to the new atmosphere, it seems that you and your brother really enjoyed your time there.
5. I think you chose to write about the youth camp because it's a place with so many of your great childhood memories.
6. Try to appeal to more senses. By using other senses, I think you could make your experience sound more real to the audience.
From Jung Haeung to Jieun Kim
ReplyDelete1) I like her writing. It's because she tried to describe the place specifically.
2) "My uncle, an American soldier" You mean your uncle is American?
3) x
4) It sounds vibrant place where kids play.
5) It's because the writer experienced many thing such as meeting foreigner.
6) Why don't you add the meaning of the place in last paragraph.
From Seon Hyuk Im to Jieun Kim
ReplyDelete1. I just like the flow of her writing. It's very natural and easy to go read on.
2. It was kind of clear; clear enough for me, but maybe more details on where or how she came to talk with other kids in the camp would have been awesome.
3. She only appealed to the sense of sight, as she described the different places in the camp.
4. I imagine this place to be a lively noisy place where kids come and play, and interact with each other.
5. I think the writer had a good fun memory in the camp, meeting kids of different kinds of race and language.
6. Try to talk about the camp more...I think the way to the camp was too long.