Finding identity
Many parents in Korea want to send their children abroad so that they can receive better education or experience Western culture. I my self is one of those people who has been fortunate to do all my elementary, middle, and high school studies abroad in English speaking schools. I personally am very grateful that I have that opportunity and I am very proud to hold such experience. But there are consequences of living abroad during teenage years. Students who have lived outside of their home country all experience an identity crisis and many times have trouble trying to find it.
Living abroad I can see in the mirror that I am Asian. I have black hair and very pale skin. I am Korean, who has Korean parents, speaks Korean at home, and eats kimchi with rice, but I am educated by Western people and I feel more comfortable speaking English. This is how identity crisis begins. I am living between two cultures and I am not sure which on I am
I met another third culture kid friend who is a freshman at Sung Kyun Kwan University. I met with him at his dormitory. His name is Young Gwang Kim or in English, Glory Kim. He and I have a lot in common. We are both Korean, but we have received all of our education in American curriculum based international schools until university. He lived in the Philippines and I live in Thailand which is both in South East Asia. Just like me he chose to come to university in Korea rather than going to American university. I felt like we had a lot in common because of the similar childhood we had experienced. I knew by discussing with him about school and identity or language problems I could get to know him and me much better.
I met him at his dormitory just before dinner to talk with him. We sat on the floor on cushions with a low table in between us. He was nervous to talk to me. He had a looked anxious and was sweating a little even on a cold winter day. He was scrunching the cushions with his hands to get rid of the nervousness. I told him to calm down and that I was only here to get some information from him. I started off my interview with him with the most direct question from the questions I had prepared. "How did you choose to come to study in Korea?"
"I came back to Korea to learn Korean, but I am Korean," he said while chuckling. It was funny for a person to come to Korea to learn Korean, who is actually Korean. He wanted to learn Korean because he was not so fluent with is mother tongue. He does not have much of a problem when he is talking with people, but like me, his lack of Korean grammar and vocab is evident when he is writing and reading. I got worried of his reason to come to Korea. I know that Korean is a challenging language and that trying to learn it in university might be challenging. I was worried that my friend would not learn much Korean at a university.
"Do you think you have a language barrier at school?" I asked. I asked this question because I remember during the midterms he was having trouble studying for them. Shrugging his shoulders with a little smirk, "I have no idea what the teacher is saying." His face did not show any sign of embarrassment or shame, but rather he gave a confident look. We talked furthermore about his difficulties he had for preparing for the exams. I asked him if there was a specific exam that he had difficulties with. One of his courses was Korean language and history. "I never learned Korean history or grammar in Korean," he added. "When that was on the test, poof! I had no idea." We both laughed because we both knew how it feels to look at test paper and feel helpless. In my freshman year I also had the same experience where I could not understand the questions itself.
After a lengthy talk about the language barrier, our talk started to focus more on identity crisis. The reason he wanted to learn Korean was for his identity. As a third culture kid he believes he owns more than one identity and that Korean is one of them. "My identity is more than being Korean. I have a whole new identity of being a third culture kid and I can tell stories that no one else can," he mumbled. This made me stop my interview for few seconds. I am a third culture kid also, but I have never thought of it this way. I always believed that the many different cultures I've experienced added up to one identity, but my friend made me realize that we can be more than one identity.
He later said that finding his other identity, the one that his parents always told him to be, was one of the reasons of choosing to come to Korea. I asked him if he had ever felt truly Korean. "Not yet. Everything is still new to me," he answered in a confident voice. I was surprised by how he answered not yet. He implies that one day he will feel like a true Korean person. Then he followed his answer by saying, "I think I've found it. I'm just developing it more." He has found his other Korean identity, but is working hard to building his identity.
During my questions and answers we both agreed that students who have lived outside of their parents country all face an identity crisis. Towards the end of my interview I asked if there is any advice or tips you want to tell younger third culture kid generation. He shrugged his shoulders saying that he wasn't too sure on what advice to give to them. I continued on with my questions. I wanted to know more about finding his identity.
"Do you ever regret coming to Korea?" I asked.
"No, not yet," he replied. Just like the previous answers, he had a reason to come to Korea therefore he is optimistic about his future in Korea.
"Do you think your university will help you find your other Korean identity?
"I think so," once again giving me a smile with him chubby dimples.
I wanted to get more out of him. He said during the interview that he had a passion for teaching children and I was certain that he had some words of advice or words of encouragement to the younger generation. Towards the end of the interview I decided to give him more time to speak. I took longer pauses before I moved onto the next questions and then out of the silence he spoke.
"I want them to feel comfortable in their skins." Finally there was something he wanted to say to other third culture kids. He said he wishes students, like us, should know the identity of their skin. His skin was Korean and therefore came to Korea too feel comfortable in his own skin. He added "Third culture kids are like chameleons. They are very adaptable." This was the message I wanted to hear from him to say to younger third culture kids. He meant that we all face an identity crisis, but we all have our own skins and that we should try to live according to that skin. He believes that third culture kids can adapt and learn quickly about themselves.
Closing off the interview I threw the question of if he had any other comments to say. I deliberately gave a long pause. "So far so good," he quietly mumbled by ending the interview.
Third culture kids like me and my friend have stages in each of their lives where they struggle to find what identity they are. At home we are taught to be Korean, but our daily lives are nowhere close to being Korean. After interviewing my friend I once again confirmed that third culture kids like me and my friend all experience an identity crisis. Yet many Korean parents does whatever it takes to make their children become third culture kids. My friend opened up a new way to find identity. It was to realize that we can possess more than one identity. In order to find ones identity the person should go live the place where they want to find their identity. For my friend this was choosing to come to Korea and attend university. I'm certain that my friend will develop his new identity that has found and that one day he will truly feel like a Korean.
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